Ideas for future Ill Phil articles

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Well-Known Member
Let's help the poor guy and his crying daughter out by giving him some content for future articles. Here is one he could use right away.

"Time to make some cash from the Sevconians. Whilst the dark forces will be betting on an away win in the cup against Cowdenbeath, I have it on good authority that the high command desperately need gate money to avoid admin so they have hatched a plan to concede a late equaliser and bring a replay back home. Get your money on a 1-1 draw."

What would you come up with if you were Ill Phil?
 
Being British and hating every minute of it and it will haunt you to your grave
 
Something about the players being on vegan diets because the club can’t afford meat.

A well placed source in architectural circles informing him that Ibrox is weeks away from collapse due to a network of catacombs underneath.

Having had drinks with some well informed chaps in the square mile has been made aware that Dave King is infact DEAD and his public appearances are being carried out by a professional lookalike actor. BUT, the real zinger is that because the club is so short of cash, the lookalike is refusing to work anymore so expect King’s appearances to diminish going forward.
 
Rangers have set up an eBay account selling vape kits to create a new much needed revenue stream.

Has heard from well placed sources in the North East that Mike Ashley has purchased Hummel and is using them as a stalking horse to complete a takeover. Rangers are so short of cash that instead of buying new kit for players and having laundry overheads, the kit design is being tattooed onto each player.
 
How about a story whereby he and his fellow travellers get aerated about a couple of meaningless fouls in a football match, while waving away the absolute horror of what went on at their fetid club for decades?
 
"Lack of cash now means that using private jets to bring top players to Scotland is ruled out and the Ibrox club has had to borrow an inflatable dinghy to bring Davies and Defoe across the Channel to the UK. I've already alerted the Customs people who, acting on my information, last year successfully turned back several dozen other players before they could reach shore and make their way to the HTC".
 
Something about the players being on vegan diets because the club can’t afford meat.

A well placed source in architectural circles informing him that Ibrox is weeks away from collapse due to a network of catacombs underneath.

Having had drinks with some well informed chaps in the square mile has been made aware that Dave King is infact DEAD and his public appearances are being carried out by a professional lookalike actor. BUT, the real zinger is that because the club is so short of cash, the lookalike is refusing to work anymore so expect King’s appearances to diminish going forward.

Is that you Phil? It's like one mind, lol.
 
"Highly placed source within Sevco has informed me that the head men are sweating over the mineral content of the soil under the playing surface and there's a genuine fear that SEPA could confiscate the pitch as early as next week, leaving them without a park to play on when this most heinous of cheating season resumes.
Watch this space."
 
"While the Scottish media serve up stories on the Sevco Tenerife training camp, a long time friend of mine who moves in the highest circles of First Choice Holidays let slip that the "Training Camp" was actually a package holiday booked on a self-catering basis, with 6 players packed into each double room. Money is so tight that each player had to pay his own way and they were instructed to bring spending money for footballs, cones, and their own food."
 
"While the Scottish media serve up stories on the Sevco Tenerife training camp, a long time friend of mine who moves in the highest circles of First Choice Holidays let slip that the "Training Camp" was actually a package holiday booked on a self-catering basis, with 6 players packed into each double room. Money is so tight that each player had to pay his own way and they were instructed to bring spending money for footballs, cones, and their own food."
Hoohoo! Nailed it! :D
 
Need to get to the bottom of the gangster links.
I see what you did there!

I saw a tweet saying that if we win 55 this year Dave King should announce administration the morning after, just for the bangs. Hope Phil saw it as he’d probably take it seriously.
 
We can all laugh at this lunatic but it really is about time the club actually did something about his lies.

Last January one of his blogs led to the bookies putting out odds on Rangers administration and finishing bottom of the league. It's complete and utter crap like that which could potentially drive off any potential investors/sponsors.

We've let this rat away with too much for too long now.
 
I was waiting on the crash barriers bringing our new signings religion.. and it's already started on Twitter... yet we are the bigots.. they are obsessed with religion
 
We can all laugh at this lunatic but it really is about time the club actually did something about his lies.

Last January one of his blogs led to the bookies putting out odds on Rangers administration and finishing bottom of the league. It's complete and utter crap like that which could potentially drive off any potential investors/sponsors.

We've let this rat away with too much for too long now.

I remember being overcome with grief, when I heard, his Lawyer Pal died. Apologies, But Yer Correct!
 
"Sevco high command to blame for kiddy on oirish glaswegian negligent social workers negligence". A story about how the evil current buns made me change names, make up stories about my oirish republican background and dedicate my time to being reliably informed regularly about stuff that doesn't happen. To hear more about the baddies just donate your giro.
 
His next one will be that the Royal Family are funding Rangers.
How did you know that?
My wife (no pics) has got a big mouth.

Ach well if it's public knowledge I may as well spill for Phil.
I recently had lunch, actually a buffet, with the next 2 in line and the chat turned to Rangers after they heard my accent.
"Stevie is doing really well and the subtle financing will continue, we couldn't just go out and buy Gareth at the start of the season even though mama wanted to, women and football eh?" what.
 
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