A Boy Named Tim

The guy that posted the OFAH song thread is a lot braver than I am: great lyrics, but he's taking a bit of stick for his voice.

He sounds like Pavarotti compared to my voice, though, so I'll just post the lyrics to my song rather than attempting to sing it:

A Boy Named Tim - to the tune of "A Boy Named Sue"!

Well, my Daddy left home when I was three
and he didn't leave much to Maw or me
Just a green and grey strip and an empty bottle of Gin
Ah don't blame him cos he got put away,
But the meanest thing he did that day,
Was before he left, he went and made me a Tim

Well he must have thought it was a Helluva joke
Some of the results really gave me the boak
It seems that they've been shite the whole season through
Sparta scored four and ah went red
Then they did it again and I hung my head
Ah tell you, life ain't easy for a young Yahoo.

Five million on a goalie with hands of stone,
and worse was to come, with Duffy on loan
We're so far behind I just can't hide my hurt.
But I made a vow to my local priests
That I'd search the bars where you find these beasts
And kill that man who put them in a Celtic shirt.

On a sun-lounger in sunny Dubai
without a mask, sat the very guy
No givin' a f uck about our terrible plight
Wi' an inflatable shark, protestin' at The Midden
I saw the squad return - all COVID-ridden
With the dirty mangy dog that made us shite,

Well I knew that guy was definitely Lenny
'cos he dresses like he's going to work at the Clenny
and he'd squinty teeth and even squintier eyes.
He was wee and bent and his manners were coarse
And the smell of his breath could have knocked out a horse
And I said: "I love ra 'tic!' And it makes me sick!
Now you're gonna die!"

Well, I hit him hard right between the eyes
There was a whiff of shite and a swarm of flies,
He come up with a knife and cut off a piece of my lug.
He grabbed at my shirt, and I heard a rip
And aff came the sponsor "CR Smith"
Just a typical night in an East-End Irish Pub.

I tell you I've fought tougher men,
Wi' Shellick tops and trackie bo-ttems,
There's 60,000 share that kinda style
I've heard them greet, and it's getting worse,
Now they're twenty-one behind Rangers in first
He stood there lookin' at me and I saw him smile.

And he said: "Son, the amount we've been beat
If we're gonna win it, we'll have to cheat
And Peter's doing his best to help us avoid
The Government, the refs and the SFA
But it's a big Masonic conspiracy
And it's that shirt that made you paranoid"

He said: "Now you just fought one hell of a fight
And I know you hate me, and you got the right
To kill me now, and I wouldn't blame you if that's how you felt,
But remember this just before I go,
They bastards cheated us out of 9-and-three-quarters in a row
That's how you sleep at night if you're truly a Celt"

I got all choked up and against my will
Ah cried out "Neil, we wuz robbed in Su-vill"
And I came away with a similar point of view.
And I think about him, every now and then
Forever the man that blew "The Ten"
And if I ever have a son, I think I'm gonna make him support Ross County, or Livvy or Hibs! Anything but Celtic!