drgriffen
Well-Known Member
Article in today's Sunday Times by David Walsh looking at the easily understood, but hard to explain, phrase: premium mediocre. It finishes by highlighting the signing of Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain as a perfect example.
I read a piece the other day on the US-based Ribbonfarm website, a space that offers unusual philosophical takes on familiar and new subjects. It read like it was 3,000 words too long, Venkat Rao explaining how a new phrase had crept unbidden into his head during an evening out with his wife at Veggie Grill, a “fast-casual” restaurant that offers the ease and convenience of fast food but with a more inviting sit-down atmosphere.
He coined it “premium mediocre”. His partner immediately understood what he was getting at but did not agree that the food at Veggie Grill was premium mediocre. Rao spoke to friends about the concept and was surprised at the degree to which it resonated with them. It was something everyone felt but did not have the means to express.
Rao offers a pretty succinct definition of premium mediocre. “Mediocre with just an irrelevant touch of premium, not enough to ruin the delicious essential mediocrity.” The way he italicises “just” is quintessential if unwitting premium mediocre. Rao lists multiple examples. The finest bottle of wine at Olive Garden, a US casual dining chain. Cruise ships. The Italian names for drink sizes at Starbucks. The very idea of a gourmet sandwich.
He does not stop there.
McDonald’s Signature Collection. Anything branded as “signature”. Everything Trump-branded. The fact that Americans equate “French” with classy is proof of the US’s premium mediocrity. Extra-legroom-seats in economy. Premium mediocre is food that Instagrams better than it tastes. It’s Game of Thrones. OK, you’re thinking, stop right there — Game of Thrones is not premium mediocre. It is. There is no shame in this, as much of what we love is premium mediocre. Especially when it comes to sport. Most especially when it comes to football.
First, an admission. In terms of writing, the highest state attainable to a sports writer is premium mediocre. So we, too, reach for the italics command, know when to drop in a French phrase or casually slip in a reference to a film, a play or a book. The stones we throw here come with the sound of breaking glass. For example I’m thinking of Terry Malloy lamenting to his brother in On The Waterfront “I coulda been a contender” and seeing Robbie Savage, the football pundit, collaring innocent bystanders and passionately telling them: “I could have been premium mediocre”. Not everyone rises to premium level.
Last week the former Sutton goalkeeper Wayne Shaw was fined £375 by the Football Association and banned for three months for breaching betting rules. For many reasons, Shaw has my sympathy and not least because he was actually eating a proper pie. Football fans will already be aware that premium mediocre pies are a reality inside stadiums. How long before there is one for £15, branded Pie by Marco Pierre White or The Jamie Oliver Experience?
You may laugh but we already have the “Harry Ramsden’s World Famous Fish and Chips” restaurant outside the Shed End entrance at Stamford Bridge. Not to mention the zillions of corporate lunches that come with every “match-day experience” [in itself a brilliant premium mediocre label], the white linen tablecloths and the grown-up cutlery. These, too, are the essence of premium mediocre.
So handsome is the FA’s delivery of premium mediocre refreshments during half-time at Wembley that premium seats overlooking the halfway line remain empty for the first 20 minutes of the second half.
Premium mediocre is descending, locust-like, on the Premier League. The “cheese room” planned for the new White Hart Lane, USB ports in seats, the Tunnel Club already in place at the Etihad where, even with the elegantly dressed Pep Guardiola and a quarter of a billion pounds’ worth of new defenders, Manchester City will always be premium mediocre. Even after they start winning titles again. No club is immune to the allure of premium mediocre. Anyone for a Casillero Del Diablo from the Manchester United red wine collection?
Premium mediocre is not confined to the Premier League, nor even to football. One of our boys is a devoted Cambridge United fan and for more than a year he has argued that the manager of the U’s, Shaun Derry, is the equal of Guardiola — in his sense of dress. Now that is true premium mediocre. Cambridge are mid-table in League Two.
Conor McGregor, a first-time professional boxer, encountering Floyd Mayweather, a retired boxer, was pure premium mediocre. It was right to stage the show in the mecca of premium mediocre, Las Vegas. It’s everywhere, captured beautifully in the sign held aloft by the man in the Heathrow arrivals hall during the London Games five years ago: Olympic Family. The best sports administrators are premium mediocre, the worst are in prison or on their way. If you have a free moment, read what has been recently written about the Irish ticketing scandal exposed during the Rio Olympics last year and the role played by the Olympic Council of Ireland. Take the journey through those dark corridors and you will better appreciate common-or-garden premium mediocre officials.
Let us end with somebody who was not and is not premium mediocre. Thierry Henry was speaking about Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain on Sky Sports, addressing Oxlade-Chamberlain’s enthusiastic first impressions of his new manager, Jurgen Klopp, suggesting that maybe an hour on the training ground with the head coach might not have been enough for him to come to the definitive view that he seemed to be expressing. Then Henry said something that wasn’t premium mediocre. “I would like to ask Alex: OK, what exactly are you good at?” That was the punditry equivalent of the solo goal against Tottenham in 2002. The question reminds us that £35m is now a premium mediocre transfer fee, suggesting premium qualities that may not be there.
It will be interesting to watch Oxlade-Chamberlain’s development under Klopp.
Note to readers: you are invited to email your best examples of premium mediocre. If there are good ones, they will be part of this column next week which, of course, is a classic premium mediocre idea.
https://www.thetimes.co.uk/edition/...an-unexceptional-oxlade-chamberlain-pgn7v0df0
