Kids when do you let go?

Willie Mac

Willie Mac

Well-Known Member
The wee man is 11 and is starting to ask to go away with his pals on his bike to the park and so forth.

When I think back to when I was his age if I was ever hanging about the house then my old man was always telling me to beat it and get out and play. Old rule was you were back when the street lights came on.

However every time me and his mum let him out we are sick with worry. I know it's probably no more dangerous or whatever from when we were doing it but what say parents of FF......when do you let them out and does the worry/anxiety ever become less??
 
It's an awkward time. We had the same dilemma last year when ours was 11. They all wanted to go up the park on their bikes, about 8 of them. 4 kids got a kb from their parents but I let him go. Just made sure they all stuck together and at least one of them had a mobile. My wife was going spare with me when she got home.

However, no hassle, everything was fine and he hasn't looked back since. It's the same when he asks you if he can go to the swimming pool for the first time with his mates.

Your boy will be going to high school next year so, you'll have to judge when it's the right time to let him go a bit so he's prepared for that experience.
 
It's a difficult one. I know I was sneaking into Glasgow on the bus to go to The Barras with a mate when I was 11 to buy pirated Computer games and lived to tell the tale.

Still haven't let our oldest one out to play in the street and she's just started school.
 
Secondry school it was for us.
They start to get friendly with kids from other schemes and then want to hang around with them.
Easier now with mobiles to make sure there ok, certainly never done my son any harm and made him streetwise.
He now has friends from all over east end of glasgow.
 
I was sneaking to Ibrox on the bus then the subway at the age of 12, going to school myself and playing a distance from the house by 8, my lad at 7 isn't even allowed up to the park in the top of the village.
 
It's a different world for the worse these days & you can't help but worry. My wee girl just turned 10 & she is in no way streetwise. We are in a quiet street so she can happily go round the block on her bike but no further at the moment.
 
He plays out the front and around our bit (Australia, Perth) but not really that far away that I couldn't shout on him and he wouldn't hear me.

He's been a few times now but I hate it
 
It seems from what I can see from our family, that most kids don't go out as much anymore, instead things seem to be geared up for them to spend more and more time in their bedrooms or indoors. They then don't have the same social skills and appear to be less advanced for their years. When I think back, the 70/80/90s were a far better time to grow up.
 
I let my 11 year old go swimming with his mates last weekend. 10-15 minute walk from door to door when the Mrs came in she wasn't to happy as like most parents these days she likes to babies them too much.
 
Mine was secondary school before he got too far away. Even now at 14 it's only the bus into town with a group of his friends. Tracked on mobile mind you lol.
 
Let him run!
We mollycoddle our kids too much these days, I'm guilty of it too.
I know I was out doing my own thing at 7 used to go all the way to the other end of our scheme coz that end had a big wooden fort to play on.
I was definitely going on great adventures before secondary school.
 
My kids are 7 and 4 1/2 and love being outside. I think it comes partially from being out walking the dog every day since they were born. They are out playing in the estate we live in every day / night. The 4 year old started school a few weeks back and met kids waiting on the school bus that lived round the corner but had never even been out to play. They were kept in the house or out the back garden. One of the local mums still wont put her kid on the bus as she feels he "isn't ready for it" even though he's now in P2 so she still takes him every morning in the car and waits at the school gates till the bell goes and he goes into class. My 2 both have their bikes and scooters and are out on them constantly. Cant believe the controls parent now place on their kids, they need to get out, then need to fall out of trees and off bikes, they need to develop their own sense and know their boundaries.

We got a phone call from the school the other day warning us the our 7 year old had been "caught" eating brambles with some of her friends when they were out on their nature walk with the class. The school were phoning us to tell us about it as they felt we should know in case we wanted to have a word with the kids about it or if they had an upset stomach later that night. The teacher told us she was taken aback when she asked my daughter what she was doing and she explained that it was fine as long as you didn't eat the ones at the bottom that the dogs pee on :)
 
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Yeah I always think back to what I was doing at their age to think what I make their boundaries (to be fair my wee guy is just 5 nearing 6).

I really don't like the idea of getting him a mobile and letting him go walksbout relying on a mobile as I don't think kids should have these phones etc. Guy in my work recently was telling me how his kids school has seen a craze in getting these watches that are designed for older folk with dementia. It's pre programmed with three numbers you can call at any time (but only those three) and it's got gps on it so if you want to you can trace where it is. And if the wearer takes it off you get an alert to tell you so. Totally invasive but is an alternative to mobile phones when they are at those awkward ages you don't want to give them a smart phone.
 
dsrfcno1 said:
It's a different world for the worse these days & you can't help but worry. My wee girl just turned 10 & she is in no way streetwise. We are in a quiet street so she can happily go round the block on her bike but no further at the moment.
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Not really sure it is worse now, just think more things are reported now & sometimes made out to be worse than they are. I grew up in the 60's & was a teenager during the 70's. We still had gangs running around then.
I diid the papers from 12 until I left school at 16, was going into Glasgow with my mates form about 9/10, out playing until as somebody said until the street lights came on without my parents know where I was.

on saying that my oldest is 25 now living with his burd in Bathgate & my wean will be 20 at the end of the month. The oldest one we don't worry about because we don't know if he's in or out so you tend not to worry.
The youngest one is just back from volinteering for 10 weeks in Ghana last weekend & heading back up to uni in St. Andrews tomorrow. When she is away you tend to worry less but admit when they were at home & went out you did worry.

We also believed if you didn't let them out how did they learn to look after themselves!
It is a tough one no doubts! I suppose you just have to do what feels right for you!
 
Amazing how things change.

I'm only 31 but I was allowed round to the park/out on my bike at 8/9.

The idea of not being allowed out until you're 11-ish seems mental to me, but I have no kids and therefore no creditable opinion on this :)
 
My dad was telling me a story of how he was allowed to go to an away game at Hibs with friends at the age of 10 in the late 60's. Ended up getting split up and missing his bus back and somehow managed to get on another glasgow bus who dropped him off.

Wouldn't happen these days but could you imagine if it did! It would be all over the news.
 
I don't think things are worse now than when I was growing up in the 60s &70s. Incidents are more widely reported now, there are no more kiddy fiddlers around than three was then . Nowadays it's reported to the authorities, then they had a visit from the father and his pals.
The biggest increased risk nowadays is the much increased level of traffic.
 
It's all to do with 'boundaries'. You impose them early and withdraw/move them back bit by bit as your kids mature, not the same as getting older.
e.g. kids not allowed out the garden then not allowed out of sight, then allowed to go pals
e.g. back in before dark when very young then, within that, in for six, seven. eight etc
e.g. allowed into the town with their pals but back before tea-time, back before dark, before ten/eleven(nearly said 'closing time')

Establish boundaries and let the kids push against them before you pull them back.

The important thing is to establish mutual trust Your children grow up knowing if they play by the rules you'll accept they need more room and ease off at the appropriate times
The other thing I'd stress is you've got to do this all the time they're growing up, if you don't you have no chance of introducing it to an eleven year-old.
 
This is a strange one for me, my older two are 18 and 16.

Then I have a five year old, a four year old, a three year old and one on the way.

For some strange reason I can feel the hesitancy people in this thread are talking about and the fear as they get older - when I'm thinking about the younger ones - but I'm very comfortable with the maturity level of the older two. Very, very comfortable. I trust them completely.

For me that lends credence to the "it is a different world" these days argument.

Great post by the commentator above, if you reward them with trust, they reward you for proving they can be trusted, by proving they can be trusted. :)

That builds solid relationships for you all in the future.
 
I was allowed to start travelling over to Scotland without my dad when I was 14. In saying that my dad knew a few ones on the bus that would be going aswell so I suppose there was always someone there to look out for me if my dad wasn't there
 
I feel like i was mollycoddled a bit my mum when i was a kid / teenager. I always had the earliest curfew, first to bed, last one to be allowed to get the bus into town etc etc.

My parents were/are great but i always vow id never put my kids through that embarrassment. While still being responsible i want to give them as much freedom as i can and hopefully let them learn a bit for themselves. My eldest is only 4 now though so still time for me to change my opinion, but hopefully i dont.
 
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when i was growing up in the 60s,we were out from 9am till nighttime, guess now with all the crap going on in the world parents nowadays are more aware of things going on around them
 
Our family moved to Pollok when I was 7 in 1947 and was allowed to go out and play until the street lights came on. With my own kids it was the same even though my son would always break the rules. As we lived in a small village by then I was always sure he was ok .
 
You probably don't totally let go but you have to let them out.

We are fortunate we are in a very quiet estate with no through roads. My youngest is 6 and been out playing the street with her pals for a couple of years. They can usually be heard but if not it's because they are in one of many back gardens.

All the parents keep an eye on all the kids.
 
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I'm 36, I grew up in the sticks can't remember my boundaries but they were pretty slack and I was definitely out of shouting range as were most kids around there. Like most, no one bothered until the lights came on.
 
dsrfcno1 said:
It's a different world for the worse these days & you can't help but worry. My wee girl just turned 10 & she is in no way streetwise. We are in a quiet street so she can happily go round the block on her bike but no further at the moment.
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Much the same mate, he's 10 and he's easily buttoned up the back, he's just started going out on his bike to a wee pal round the corner, still can't help but worry
 
Times have changed.
I remember the old rules, in by streetlights on etc

My daughter is only 6 months so I'm miles off dealing with this (it'll fly by though)

It depends a lot on who he hangs about with as well, I hung about with people 2 and 3 years older and am a twin so there were always 2 of us there so maybe that helped.
You just need to judge yourself, every kid is different
 
My daughter isn't even 2 yet and she makes a run for it anytime the front door is open. Luckily we're in a quiet street and we've already got her used to using the pavement but I still shit myself when she's close to a road.

Humans need to be outside exploring. Got to keep boundaries but maintaining trust is most important. I despair at the school run type parents who don't let their kids run free. Eventually they'll need to fend for themselves and need to learn the basics at some point.
 
Badboy said:
One of mine is 12. He's Billy big baws with his mates but still wants a cuddle.
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Same here...he's just turned 13 wants all the£150 Nike trainers and Stone Island clobber but wants his feet rubbed and to watch a film with his old Da at night.

Won't be letting him go for a while...he's to naïve. And I'm okay with that.:)
 
Growing up in Castlemilk we used to cycle all the way to to the Clyde tunnel and back just to go through the cycle tunnel.
We done it for years.......I left Castlemilk at aged 13:eek:.

I've no idea if my parents knew what we were up to, but I'd be horrified and petrified if my kids had done similar at that age.
 
I'm terrible. My two are still pre school but I can't help sticking my neb in to everything they do and everywhere they go.

When they learn the words %^*& off, they will use them on me.

I cant help it, I'm not trying to be a dick about it but I'm over protective
 
He has asked for his father's advice.

Congratulations.

Give him enough rope to learn but not too much to hang himself.

You will both learn from it.
 
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