I bet I can get 90 percent right.
Born to Declan and Bernadette 3 months after their wedding and immediately dressed in ra sellick colours.
Attended St Buggery primary school where he started his life long dedication to the monobrow. The priest didn't fancy him so he missed out on losing his virginity until his formative years at St Joseph the Cucked Secondary where an accident with a tomato sauce bottle popped his cherry.
He attended chapel 3 times so is a devout Catholic although not so much roman these days. His sex life continued with an accident with an applepine.
His slightly effeminate lisp came about after his dad backhanded him while they watched Neil McCann score his second in the 1999 shame game right before his dad fell from the top tier.
After seeing a job advertised in the Catholic observer for a bbc position, he joined and never looked back.
He is now married to Bernadette and has 17 kids. 8 Declans and 9 Bernadette.
In his spare time he obsesses over Sevco, celebrates his distant Irish heritage and enjoys a good potato.