Urban myths

I have had about 8 different people tell me the story about "Someone they know" who had a pet snake and let the snake lie in bed with them. The snake then started always lying out straight instead of curled up. So they took it to the Vet and the vet told them the snake was preparing itself to eat them.

Now when I hear someone about to start the story I just save them the bother and finish it for them.
 
The old Mr & Mrs game at the old couple's golden or silver wedding party, where the third question is "Where's the best place you've ever had sex?", he says "on honeymoon in Blackpool" and she says "up the bum".......There must've been 100,000 people at that party!

Heard this one about 20 times
 
Guy goes out clubbing, meets nice girl, passes out, wakes up next day in strange house & sees operation scars and finds out his kidney/ liver has been removed
 
The one about the med student that lost the plot during his finals, sticking a pencil up each nostril then butted the desk go kill himself.
 
I have had about 8 different people tell me the story about "Someone they know" who had a pet snake and let the snake lie in bed with them. The snake then started always lying out straight instead of curled up. So they took it to the Vet and the vet told them the snake was preparing itself to eat them.

Now when I hear someone about to start the story I just save them the bother and finish it for them.
I had a girl in an old workplace swear blindly this was true.

She starts telling the story and EVERYONE around the table interrupts and tells her the ending and that it's an urban legend.

She actually then proceeds to fall out with everyone for not believing her because "it really did happen to my sister's friend in Australia".
 
I've actually seen a photo of this incident, I think there was an ensuing rummy between the families and arrests were made. So I'm calling this one true.

I had read the story around 4 years before. Then I got told it happened at a wedding in a different town 4 years after the initial event. Lying cow.

Mind the one about someone biting into a McChicken Sandwich and the mayonnaise was one of the McDs staffs spunk? Or was it Chicken spunk?
 
Not an urban myth but true. A school friend of mine was the only sensible member of his family (sister was a prostitute and brother done 10 years). It was his sister's wedding and a guest had a heart attack and died. They pulled a tablecloth off a table and covered the guy with it and continued to dance. The venue called the police due to a sudden death. Because they 'knew' the family the police were unsympathetic. My mate had lost his voice during the day and could only talk in a squeak. The police wanted to talk to somebody in authority in the family and my mate was pushed to the front to deal with them. The police thought he was taking the piss and stuffed him into the back of the van, it was only the other members of his family's protests that got him released.
 
Similar to the Will Smith one on the lift. Lassie in Vegas has to dash back to room as she left her watch or something or other. Just as lift doors are closing three HUGE black guys with a Doberman dog come on, As the lift takes off one of the guys says "Sit bitch" so she sits on the floor of the lift.
 
Guy sees an ad in the paper "Rolls Royce for sale 10 quid". He goes to the house and the woman explains that her husband ran away with his secretary, told the wife to sell the Rolls and send him the money, so she's selling it for a tenner..
 
I have had about 8 different people tell me the story about "Someone they know" who had a pet snake and let the snake lie in bed with them. The snake then started always lying out straight instead of curled up. So they took it to the Vet and the vet told them the snake was preparing itself to eat them.

Now when I hear someone about to start the story I just save them the bother and finish it for them.

I remember listening to Radio 2 one day and Richard Madeley told that story as it had "happened to a friend".. sure it was pre-twitter days but I recall he had to then backtrack as people were calling him out on it being utter bullshit!
 
Heard this ones loads

Guy in work/mate/friend of friend having a tug while wearing headphones and watching porn on laptop

After he's finished he looks at the bedside table only to find that his mum has come into his room with a sandwich and cup of tea and left it for him

Utter bullshit

Not far off this, however a few years back, we were on a work night out at Christmas and one of the women we worked with invited a few of us back to hers for a few after the pub. We walked into her living room and her husband suddenly bounces up from the floor, pulling his trousers up and frantically trying to turn off a scud film he had playing on the TV!
 
Theres this classic one. On a stag do a guys mates decide to strip the stag and tie his arms and legs round a tree and leave him there for a bit. In the morning when they get up they realise no-one has untied the stag, when they go back to get him it turns out he's hysterical as he's been raped by a tramp.

wedding has to get called off and everything.
 
Woman takes you back to hers, ties you up in the bed for some kinky fun then her husband bursts out the cupboard in a batman suit to rape you
 
Heard this quite recently.. man and woman decide she wants it up the wrong 'un. No lube around so he preps himself up using that tingly numbing gel stuff. All going well with her grinding up and down on top with lights off till he smells something a bit off... given numbing effect of gel has led her to lose control of her bowel and she's shat all over his manhood area.

Seems to manky to be made up. Poor guy.
 
Running over a kangaroo, dressing it up for a photo then it wakes up and hops off with everyone's money.
 
A charity
One where a local female went for an Indian or Chinese meal, before a night out.
Suddenly takes ill, and has to be taken to hospital, and has her stomach pumped.
On examination of the contents, they found 5 different varieties of jiz inside her.

Maybe Marc Almond was sick in the rice pot
 
The smilers, they wouldn't slash you too much, just small ones at the corner of your mouth, then, wait for it, take your socks and shoes off and tickle your feet to make you smile and bleed more!!

They worked alternative weeks with the killer clowns!
 
Wedding. Best Man is wearing a Kilt and nae Pants. Sits on the Brides knee for a picture. Stands up and there is a big Skid Mark down the Brides guid dress...

Some zoomer I worked with told me this.
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The old Mr & Mrs game at the old couple's golden or silver wedding party, where the third question is "Where's the best place you've ever had sex?", he says "on honeymoon in Blackpool" and she says "up the bum".......There must've been 100,000 people at that party!

That's from an Australian radio show (might still be fake/staged). There is an actual recording where the guy spends 20-30 seconds telling his wife to answer the where they last had sex question honestly so they will win a holiday. She eventually blurts out "in my bum". The guy had said "in the kitchen". I think the radio show gave them the prize in the recording.
 
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