By Sadist Maximus
I mentioned yesterday on the messageboard that Radio Clyde had mentioned that Dessers had hit 20 in 41 for Feyenoord not too long ago. This had me thinking that there could be a Boyd-type in there, if the team was functional and his head was in the right place.
It was the only possible thing I could throw towards a drowning man, which Dessers most certainly is.
But I decided to go on Transfermarkt and dig out those stats, and it looks very likely that the presenter on Clyde has sold me a dummy, so let us examine the stats in greater detail.
My list of stats begin at the season when Dessers was 21yo and had just established himself in first-team football. This is due to laptop screen-size restraints, but you can go and look further back if you’d like to – https://www.transfermarkt.co.uk/cyriel-dessers/leistungsdatendetails/spieler/317806
So, what have we got?
16/17 – 22 in 36 in the Belgian “Jupiter” League – Impressive
19/20 – 15 in 26 in Dutch Eredivisie – Aye, that’s OK, I s’pose
But that 20 in 41 for Feyenoord in 21/22 is massively deceptive. TEN of the goals came in thirteen Conference League appearances, and I will argue that the Conference League is high on:
1. Big nation big guns treating Conference (and Europa) with contempt
2. Big nation wee guns
3. Football’s faeces from Ireland, Luxembourg, Armenia, and even Gibraltar
So let’s examine that Conference tear-up by Dessers in finer detail.
Feyenoord are probably similar to Rangers in Europe. Very much a second-tier side, capable of taking the odd decent scalp, but nowhere near the class of a Champions League outfit. I don’t see this as being too far wide of the target.
MATCHDAY 2: FEYENOORD 2-1 SLAVIA PRAGUE
MATCHDAY 5: SLAVIA PRAGUE 2-2 FEYENOORD (Dessers double)
Czech football is probably a Euro third-tier, with the occasional second-tier side appearing once every few years for a very brief one-season wonder.
When the very odd respectable outfit does appear, financial constraints mean you know that as soon as they do pop up every Bundesliga/Eredivise/Serie-A side will tear the heart right out of it. Therefore you expect Feyenoord to be a better outfit almost all of the time. Slavia finished second courtesy of a final day 1-1 draw in Berlin.
MATCHDAY 3: FEYENOORD 3-0 UNION BERLIN
MATCHDAY 4: UNION BERLIN 1-2 FEYENOORD (Dessers winner)
Nearly all Germans are first-rate, but nearly all isn’t all. I can’t recall seeing Rangers facing a bad German side, but you do know that Union Berlin are not Deutschland’s finest. That’s a rare 7th-place that’s had them in there. Not only that, last season’s squad had been depleted. Summer transfer dealings resulted in a £4.6mill profit. Regulars went to Cologne, Denizlispor, FC Augsburg, and Fortuna Sittard.
MATCHDAY 1: MACCABI HAIFA 0-0 FEYENOORD
MATCHDAY 6: FEYENOORD 2-1 MACCABI HAIFA (Dessers opener)
As for Maccabi? Israel is basically Grade Four on average. Feyenoord (and Rangers) should never take any less than 4pts home/away at the absolute worst.
So, that’s the group stages dealt with. Let’s wade on further in…
PARTIZAN 2-5 FEYENOORD (Dessers goal got it to 2-2)
FEYENOORD 3-1 PARTIZAN (Dessers opener)
Now, the death of Yugoslavia is a wonderful topic of research if you’d like to drop football due to Rangers depressing the life out of you, but with that you also had the death of most of Yugoslavian football. You can discount the international frolics of Croatia, that side wasn’t killed, but Croat club sides were.
Contrast that with the Serbians, who were destroyed in every way imaginable. People, nation, international side, and club teams were all mauled. The people/nation side is a topic of great debate, but the footballing aspect is not. One day they may recover, but utter humiliation can linger for generations.
That scoreline is as good a reflection of the footballing decline as anything else, but we’ve seen similar with our own eyes.
We were pretty much hopeless against Red Star some years back, a very Walterian Euro-show that one, but they were as likely to score as a 20-something raised on puberty-blockers. Nacho Novo did score, however, and Serbian football has been worse than it should be for at least a quarter of a century.
FEYENOORD 3-3 SLAVIA PRAGUE
SLAVIA PRAGUE 1-3 FEYENOORD (First two by Dessers)
Already mentioned Slavia and Czech football, so we shall continue.
FEYENOORD 3-2 MARSEILLES (Dessers opener and winner)
MARSEILLES 0-0 MARSEILLES
I would never suggest that French football is bad, but Marseilles are almost never close to being a functional outfit like a wealthy PSG or a Lyon with Juninho curling them in from all angles.
Marseilles aren’t just filthy cheats who deserve nothing but contempt for all eternity. If you think that Rangers have been changing managers rather a lot over the past decade or so, Marseilles are on a different, far-higher level of lunacy. No fewer than four have been in charge of that sorry lot since the 2nd of February, 2021. Eleven since July of 2012!
So, yes, French football can be very good indeed, but Marseilles are full-on French madness. They are football’s representatives for a nation of sheep-burners, yellow-vest-torturers, National-Front-voters, and illegal-migrant-rioters.
A loony bin, and get it right up ’em, and let’s hope it stays that way. Worthy of consideration when looking at that result.
AS ROMA 1-0 FEYENOORD
The final. No comment necessary.
So, I’m not buying that 20 in 41 for Feyenoord 21/22 defence.
We have one good season in Belgium, and one half-decent one in the Netherlands, plus a Crappo Conference carve-up. Otherwise he was 10 in 28 for Feyenoord that season. Average in the extreme.
Remember, I’m a bit of an optimist who always offers a defence where one exists, but I honestly don’t see one in this case.
Happy now? You better not be. Now, go away and leave me alone! I’ve got the flu on top of all this!
