Cringy Football Patter

[rabriguez]

“The football club” seems to be more common now than ever before. It seems to be used by ex players to try to sound more intelligent when they could just insert the relevant club name

 

[Bouncebackability]

Using the word “Footie”

 

[eastenclosurebear]

The unnecessary use of plurals, eg, he’s not up there with The Laudrups, The Gascoignes, and The Gorams of the 9 in a row era.

As far as I’m aware, there was only one Brian Laudrup, one Paul Gascoigne, and one Andy Goram during the 9 in a row era.

 

[second yellow]

Folk who shout “SWITCH IT” during games can die

I'll pass that on to my 11 year old

 

[Ticketybloo]

Up go the heads. What happens to the rest of the body?
That shot went straight down the keepers throat. Boy thats gonna hurt.
Straight into the onion bag.WTF?

 

[Laudo.]

Referring to Allan McGregor as Shagger.

 

[SnakePlissken]

Warchest

 

[Pedro]

Lady’s front bottom

 

[Wee Dick's Hairnet]

Referring to your manager as Mr (Surname)

Jimmy Bell did that with SG on the behind the scenes video.

It just didn't seem right. It should have been the other way around.

 

[Mitchell McCoist]

Pint sized striker

 

[Chester Perry]

“Brenda”.

What would you rather the plastic faced, toothed bheast was called ?

 

[Shengus Malengus]

People who get more than mildly perturbed by phrases other use, desperately need their hole.

So mildly perturbed is okay?
That sounds like you’d be more irritated than finding it “cringey.”

 

[Damsidebear]

Bread and butter.....I fuckin' hate butter

 

[ScotiaPapac]

“The football club” seems to be more common now than ever before. It seems to be used by ex players to try to sound more intelligent when they could just insert the relevant club name

The recent (I think) trend of calling the ball ‘the football’ annoys me more than it probably should.

Eg ‘We kept possession of the football well today’

 

[Northampton Lodger]

The press, high press etc. When did this start , don’t think I had heard the phrase before last season and now it gets mentioned ten times every game I watch. Almost as if before last season everybody just stood about scratching their ar&es until the other team were in their box.

 

[Professor Yaffle]

Top bin.

There are no bins. None.

 

[Professor Yaffle]

Only twelve days until the transfer window SLAMS SHUT.

Yip. It doesn't slam. The wind cant catch it. Drivel

 

[JRei8790]

Onion bag, top bin, get in or good feet do my f<ckin heid in.

 

[Bearinperth]

I hope he can kick on

 

[Mr Bear]

Onion Bag
Game of two halves
‘The big Euro nights’ at Nonce FC
Friend of the show/Wand of a left foot etc, etc - basically anything said by a nasally whined football hack
‘Centre Mids’ for Central Midfield

 

[Ambiorix]

One of Ian Crocker-Schitt's favourites: "On derby day in <insert name of city>"

He'll repeat it god knows how many times during any derby match.

 

[Maweepaljoe]

Anyone who's opinion differs from mine "should really take up another sport" or "football is not for you"
Prevelant on FF

 

[Mazyrun74]

"What a hit" who started that pish

Beat me to it ...i think it was Andy Gray .

 

[CD3]

Remember watching the champions league highlights on STV a few years back and Terry Butcher was one of the pundits in studio.

Porto game was on and Hulk scored for them.

Remember TB coming out with these 2

This guy is incredible

And

You have to MARVEL at this guy (with OTT emphasis on the word marvel)

 

[UlverstonLoyal]

Sevco.

 

[Dr Steve Brule]

"pen"

 

[Overanout]

Never a manager or never a player.

 

[Dougie Deans]

This needs said -
All the posters, mostly adults too, who twist a word to read as something derogatory eg

Hampdump
Shitoddrie
Murderwell
Dumbele

It’s fuckin pathetic and unbelievably unfunny

 

[bluewonder]

Using the word “Footie”

Anyone using that term should be shot at dawn.

 

[Ricksen]

Referring to our recent troubles as ‘the patter years’.

 

[themightyi]

I’ll give you one straight from here

“He’s still raw”

Applied to literally any young player regardless of how well developed they are. “The blue pound” can go on the list too.

I absolutely hate “the blue pound” term, it’s awful.

 

[Brother Moses]

He's hit the 'beans on toast'

 

[TibbsyBear]

Ulster Gazelle

Don’t mind that now, it grew on me!

Pouched though....

Come on Tom, it’s no Kangaroo 5s

 

[Brother Moses]

Referring to our recent troubles as ‘the patter years’.

the banter years is worse

 

[cullybear]

Using the word “Footie”

Used to be heard by people not normally interested in football when a big event comes on - World Cup final etc. Now it seems to be trendy to use "footie".

 

[TibbsyBear]

He's hit the 'beans on toast'

Does anyone else say that apart from Paul Merson?

 

[JeffreySpaulding]

Smelltic, HIVs etc.

Imagine being a grown man and typing that.

 

[Ricksen]

This needs said -
All the posters, mostly adults too, who twist a word to read as something derogatory eg

Hampdump
Shitoddrie
Murderwell
Dumbele

It’s fuckin pathetic and unbelievably unfunny

Players too like Fartson or Samararse. I actually find some of them quite funny and inventive.

 

[TibbsyBear]

I absolutely hate “the blue pound” term, it’s awful.

A product of the banter years...

 

[Papasmurf]

‘There’s a player in there’

 

[Eddie Doc]

"Going forward"

 

[MagneticFields]

Bags of pace
Pen
Acca
There's a player in there
Could score goals for fun up here

 

[Dougie Deans]

Players too like Fartson or Samararse. I actually find some of them quite funny and inventive.

Funny and inventive????? That’ll wear off when you reach 9yrs old!

 

[ChiefWahoo]

Anyone using that term should be shot at dawn.

Footie just makes me think of this

 

[Bluebluecee]

Playing one up top

 

[madride]

A poster on here last season was referring to them as Demsmelly and Stinkclair, woeful patter

 

[Rodney Wallace]

Sex pests who refer to positive football news in relation to having a pinger, or having a wank.

Some weird Freudian cuddled to much off yer da vibe going on with it. Creepy.

 

[Dougie Deans]

A poster on here last season was referring to them as Demsmelly and Stinkclair, woeful patter

Should be a banning offence - seriously

 

[ibroxbound]

Onion bag is one for us oldies.Humour us,please.
Poster on here referred to our manager as
"Gerro" in a recent thread.
Cut that shite right out.

 

[Al-boy]

Basically all pre and post match interviews with media trained footballers. Zzzzzzz