Cringy Football Patter

[ferris72]

<Insert Tom Miller's arsenal of football commentary terms here>

We could get really hammered with a Tom Miller drinking game during a match.

Every time he says the following have a shot of something

The hard yards
Yellow ticket
X/1 your money
Ulster gazelle* (possibly)
Such n such supporters club tuning in

And many more, I'll add when I remember, or feel free to add................

 

[Hateley's Mullet]

We could get really hammered with a Tom Miller drinking game during a match.

Every time he says the following have a shot of something

The hard yards
Yellow ticket
X/1 your money
Ulster gazelle* (possibly)
Such n such supporters club tuning in

And many more, I'll add when I remember, or feel free to add................

Emptied

 

[Blue Skies At Night]

Used to be heard by people not normally interested in football when a big event comes on - World Cup final etc. Now it seems to be trendy to use "footie".

No doubt they'll be 'partaking in a cheeky glass of red' at the time.

 

[Kaiser]

In {Insert name} we trust.

 

[Ricksen]

Funny and inventive????? That’ll wear off when you reach 9yrs old!

Now THAT is shit patter.

 

[El Buffalo]

All day long
Before the window slams shut

 

[Double D]

“This is how it feels to be Celtic”

I hate that song but when we skelp them I hope we sing a derivative of it back to them

 

[Earth Worm Jim]

Using the phrase "north of"

The bid was north of 2 million


F.uck off

 

[Square and compass]

Flower of scotland when they fling in “says who”

 

[Square and compass]

Not football but i cringe a hundred time when i hear
“ in the hole” from the golfers.
You must be a major prick to shout that.

 

[Mols 9]

Right bunch of grumpy auld bastards on this thread.

 

[Gibraltar Loyal]

Folk who shout “SWITCH IT” during games can die

 

[Coda]

I dunno if you're mistaking the tone but it's just a bit of fun.

Very suiting for your username, but you’ve created a monster with this thread. There’s people who actually get raging at abbreviations. Absolute psychos!

 

[Sapien]

As some others have mentioned the 'just about' in commentary gets me.
Just about onside being the most common and irritating.

 

[the_baron]

Tekkers
Worldy
Presser
Players posting pictures of their boots saying "new wheels"
Players on Instagram posting a video of Drake playing on their car stereo.

 

[.k.k.]

Aberdoom
Murderwell
Hampdump etc

 

[Gibraltar Loyal]

Lady’s front bottom

For me thats the worst.
Why not just write (unt...?
Saves a load of typing

 

[Coda]

For me thats the worst.
Why not just write (unt...?
Saves a load of typing

Because for the billionth time, it’s the swear filter.

 

[possilbear1]

He's just offside.....If he's offside he's offside ya fucking moron

 

[Gibraltar Loyal]

swear filter doesnt recognise (unt as ive typed it. Was what i was meaning

 

[blue captain]

The number 10 role.
And when things aren't going well for us... "back when we had Gazza and Laudrup"

 

[Rotto]

No Brainer

 

[JackBurton]

I really, really, really hate 'unplayable'

 

[First Touch In Europe]

Theres a guy in CD2 that looks like Nick Griffin. Every game he shouts 'you should have gone to Specsavers, ref' I fucking hate it. Last seasons phrase was 'what game you watching MurTy?' (With the T overpronounced)

 

[Geez it]

95% of this thread need their hole if some of these words, no even phrases or patter makes them cringe. Get this thread binned haha.

 

[SDF]

Jock Brown's favourite "the roving commission"

Was usually Ian Durrant or Paul McStay who Jock would tell us "has the roving commission for his side today"

 

[Tito]

"derogatory" nicknames for other teams. Murderwell being the worst example of the lot.

 

[First Touch In Europe]

Referring to Allan McGregor as Shagger.

Absolutely, anyone over 17 that says this are clearly no 'shagger' themselves.

 

[muz73]

Early doors, why no late doors ?

Lino for linesman/ woman/ asst ref.

Just about, as in scored / saved/ got the cross in,when a player actually does one of these things.

WATP

 

[Ricksen]

This guys patter’s brilliant.

 

[EdwardoW]

Winning games of football at this football club.

 

[L/COLNEYBEAR]

High press. WTF

 

[wsb&warmy]

Let's hear it. I'll start

Part and parcel
Wand of a X foot.
Some engine.

I've used this term a number of times. In fact the last time I used it was at the home game v Maribor and was talking about Coulibaly.

What's your equivalent of describing a player with some engine then?

 

[ibroxonian]

The unnecessary use of plurals, eg, he’s not up there with The Laudrups, The Gascoignes, and The Gorams of the 9 in a row era.

As far as I’m aware, there was only one Brian Laudrup, one Paul Gascoigne, and one Andy Goram during the 9 in a row era.

Along with the "Liverpools and Manchester Uniteds of this world"

How many are there? And are there any in other worlds

 

[EdwardoW]

No plan b just need to do plan a better,pitch geography,pathway to the fisrt team ,taking care of the football.

 

[Jaws II]

Any bastard who says fitba, wtf??

It’s fucking football and if said in a Glaswegian accent it is more footbaw.

Can’t stand cu.nts like Cowan and Cosgrove who use this shit patter.

 

[vinnie]

BACK DOOR BACK DOOR

Used to have youth team mate shouting that all the time. fkn annoying!

 

[Coda]

High press. WTF

So are people now just getting annoyed at actual legitimate things?

 

[umop_3plsdn]

Tekkers
Presser
Worldy
Unplayable

 

[umop_3plsdn]

Flower of scotland when they fling in “says who”

....against who. I agree btw

 

[Martin]

He gave 110%

That is impossible 100% is it, that's all you can give.

 

[Coda]

He's just offside.....If he's offside he's offside ya fucking moron

Are you arguing there aren’t variances of aspects of football? Essentially the game is black and white?

 

[Est1872]

High press. WTF

You're gonna get very annoyed with the way we play this season then

 

[ZvP]

There's a guy in the Lafferty thread that keeps calling the Betfred Cup the 'Right Said Fred Cup'. Thought that surely it must have been an autocorrect because it was so bad but it kept being said. Horrid reading.

 

[Ciro]

Twats who prattle on about nullifying. About 10 years ago I’d a guy in our section that demanded we ‘nullify the air’ at corners.

 

[princessofgovan]

Basically all pre and post match interviews with media trained footballers. Zzzzzzz

And then folk that post afterwards “He’s got the bug hasn’t he...”

 

[Stez64]

Shagger

I love the Shagger patter....
About 30 grown men, after his penalty save , jumping about shouting , GO ON SHAGGER...
brilliant

 

[Big Joe Canoe]

Ones who scream " Out " about 5 times at games.
Does my nipple ends in.

 

[DotMantooth]

So are people now just getting annoyed at actual legitimate things?

Yeah, what do they want it to be called?

 

[mdingwall]

"Game management."